Introspection

I had a wonderful weekend at a spinning workshop which I will discuss in the next few posts as I get some time in to rest and process the myriad of ideas in my brain. After the first full day of class and a wonderful evening with new found fiber friends, I was driving to a hotel and something interesting happened. I was faced with insights on myself.

I am an observer. I love people and I am always fascinated by them. Their eye contact, body language, facial expression, ease of laughter, what is said and what is told by what is left unsaid is amazing to me. The interactions between two people versus group dynamics is fun to watch and to analyze. I love to try to figure out why people do what they do. I am usually pretty good at sensing people's "vibes" which has been a great asset in my life.

That being said, when I turn the tables and look at myself, which I was presented an opportunity to do this weekend, I am constantly learning new things. I love hearing other people's stories but I am hesitant to tell my own. I get so excited about hearing other people's stories that it is often difficult when "on the spot" to share, to think of something to say about me. I am generally not the focus. I guess this presents a challenge in blogging doesn't it? One that I will try to overcome gradually by "coming out of my shell" so to speak.

Which brings me to pictures, I unfortunately did not take a camera this weekend. DUH!! I have a blog now where I want to share my experiences! Why did I not take a camera? First of all, I guess it is ingrained in me from way back when, not to interrupt or disrupt a forum as a show of respect for the person leading it. I know, I know, I need to relax a bit. Hey, in my defense, 8 years of parochial education with handsmacking ruler rapping nuns in charge puts a damper on some very basic instincts to be a "renegade".

Another reason for not taking a camera with me probably goes a lot deeper. I rarely have my picture taken. That being said, I posted a self shot with me holding the camera above so that you can truly see that I exist. Haha. Relish it now folks, pictures of me are usually scarce. My children will probably look back on photos decades from now and say, "Did we really have a mom or was that a figment of our imaginations?" I am usually the one behind the camera taking the photos. So it was very interesting this weekend when Jenny was taking photos while we were spinning. I didn't mind having my photo taken but it was a really weird sensation as to "what does she want me to do in this photo?" Should I look serious and keep spinning with my head down? Should I look up and smile for the world? Or should I jump up and dance gleefully exhibiting my latest handspun? Going back to the ruler rapping nuns, I was not a renegade, I quit laughing or chatting or whatever I was doing at the moment and demurely looked down in "deep concentration" at my wheel. Why???

I'm going to tell you a secret. Come a little closer and listen carefully... I am shy. Now people who really know me say, "YEAH RIGHT!" "Once she gets talking, she never shuts up! Egads!"
Seriously, I was extremely shy as a child. The first 8 years of school were spent with basically the same 14 kids in my class. It varied a bit from year to year but mostly it was 9 girls and 5 boys and then I was thrown into a public high school of 400 people and although I was in gymnastics and cheerleading...yes, I was a cheerleader and pom pom girl. I know some of you are gagging right now! I was considered in the "in crowd" so to speak but I never felt part of the crowd. I was often mistaken as being stuck up when basically I was still extremely shy and overwhelmed by people. Eventhough I loved people, it always surprised and amazed me when they liked me. I was like Sally Field, "They like me! They really like me!" Ha ha. Over the MANY QUADRILLION years since then, it is funny to see that part of that shyness still exists.

A friend once summed it up that I am very careful who I give my heart to. That being said, I will share a few more secrets about me.
I am: humble, extremely grateful, playful, inquisitive, creative, love challenges,intelligent, intuitive, compassionate, passionate and extremely loyal. I love to laugh and be around people who make me laugh. I would give the shirt off my back to you or do anything I humanly can to ease your pain. If nervous or really excited about something, I will "chatter" like a squirrel. (That is in reference of never shutting up.) I find pleasure and greatness in nature and the simplest things. I am a hugger and when my heart encompasses you, look out world; I'll defend you until the day I die. It may take a while to get to know me but all in all, not too bad, eh?